This morning in my local community gathering, more formally called church, we sang a song, made popular by Hillsong, called "You'll Come." I paused to close my eyes and pray again for compassionate immigration reform which is closer than ever before, yet so complicated. The words of the song hit me harder than usual. The lyrics became my prayer, my pleading for our broken immigration system of laws and practices to leap forward on behalf of dignity for all, our economy, and protecting what we stand for as a country. I will not use this post to be more specific. I simply wanted to log the lyrics as my heart's cry as the Congress considers legislation on this issue. So, we wait upon the Lord. And we call and write Congress.
Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed
I have decided
I have resolved
To wait upon You, Lord
My rock and redeemer
Shield and reward
I'll wait upon You, Lord
As surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us
Certain as the dawn appears
You'll come
Let Your glory fall as You respond to us
Spirit rain
Flood into our thirsty hearts again
You'll come, You'll come
We are not shaken
We are not moved
We wait upon You, Lord
Mighty deliverer
Triumph and truth
We wait upon You, Lord
As surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us
Certain as Your word endures
You'll come
Let Your glory fall as You respond to us
Spirit rain
Flood into our thirsty hearts again
You'll come, You'll come
Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Leaders, Criticism, Respect, and Perspective
I am learning to speak respectfully of leaders. I am learning to understand that I don't know all the facts and behind-the-scenes political power plays in any social organization (government, churches, schools, etc.), circumstances, and counsel in a leader's decision. I am learning to withhold criticizing leaders publicly, but choose to think critically and be outspoken about issues and policy. I am learning that I rarely have the background perspective, insight, nor full picture to impugn leaders with motives for what they do. So often, quiet compromise must direct decisions, consensus, in matters at higher levels. A leader perhaps may have been coerced, forced, or simply chosen to take a certain action to prevent another that was more bleak.
I served a year as an administrator at a local middle school. I learned in that year how prideful I'd been in years prior, as a teacher, in judging and criticizing leaders from my limited perspective foxhole or opinion fort. I rarely understood the full ramifications of a situation, yet spoke as if I was wiser. It makes me think of when a child criticizes a parent's parenting skills, as if they have the full view on life. Innocent arrogance.
I'm learning to hold back on negative comments towards a person in an electronic or published format, and practice speech and writing that honors the human dignity of leaders. Or I can simply remain quiet. Yet I still retain the right to disagree on decisions, and value accountability. I release my unrealistic demands on them to include me in every situation to help me completely understand motives and process, and I continue to practice patience. There is a fine line.
As a believer, I am accountable for my words regarding leaders and all people before the Lord. If I truly desire to honor Him and those created in His image, I feel strongly that speaking in a way that contributes to vilification of leaders, though their actions may be detestable, rips a hole in my theology that God is all-powerful and seeks to redeem and restore all humans and human systems.
I am reminded that I don't know everything, and often I don't know much. I can continue to learn, create conversations and inquiry, find friends that hold other views, and stick to tasks where I can influence change, without looking back with regret on things I said about people in print and in public. Is there anyone who doesn't realize there are at least two sides to every story? Why are we so quick to blast a leader as if he or she made the choice in isolation with our harm as the goal? That seems like naive small-minded thinking.
How do you speak of others when they make decisions you do not agree with?
I served a year as an administrator at a local middle school. I learned in that year how prideful I'd been in years prior, as a teacher, in judging and criticizing leaders from my limited perspective foxhole or opinion fort. I rarely understood the full ramifications of a situation, yet spoke as if I was wiser. It makes me think of when a child criticizes a parent's parenting skills, as if they have the full view on life. Innocent arrogance.
I'm learning to hold back on negative comments towards a person in an electronic or published format, and practice speech and writing that honors the human dignity of leaders. Or I can simply remain quiet. Yet I still retain the right to disagree on decisions, and value accountability. I release my unrealistic demands on them to include me in every situation to help me completely understand motives and process, and I continue to practice patience. There is a fine line.
As a believer, I am accountable for my words regarding leaders and all people before the Lord. If I truly desire to honor Him and those created in His image, I feel strongly that speaking in a way that contributes to vilification of leaders, though their actions may be detestable, rips a hole in my theology that God is all-powerful and seeks to redeem and restore all humans and human systems.
I am reminded that I don't know everything, and often I don't know much. I can continue to learn, create conversations and inquiry, find friends that hold other views, and stick to tasks where I can influence change, without looking back with regret on things I said about people in print and in public. Is there anyone who doesn't realize there are at least two sides to every story? Why are we so quick to blast a leader as if he or she made the choice in isolation with our harm as the goal? That seems like naive small-minded thinking.
How do you speak of others when they make decisions you do not agree with?
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Rufina Amaya Continues to Inspire, a Role She Did Not Choose
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| Photo Credit: Tim's El Salvador Blog |
Last night, I heard a portion of a story. As we know, story is powerful, and each of us has at least one to share that will impact listeners. Rufina Amaya, of El Salvador, was a survivor of an unfathomable tragedy during a civil war. Her one voice later bravely brought truth and redemption. I am deeply moved and so curious about her and the hours that ripped her life to pieces, only to be stitched back together in a way that over time brought light to a dark time. Somehow. Courage, almost crushed, inspires.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Gund Control Pun Fun
I'd
like to say I'm against Gund control. I think I should be able to own
as many Gunds as I want. I think the right to bear arms is awesome.
Nothing is cuter than bear arms. Except the whole bear.
I "gotta get a Gund." Where do I start my background check? And what about a nice background plaid? http://shop.gund.com/c/
I "gotta get a Gund." Where do I start my background check? And what about a nice background plaid? http://shop.gund.com/c/
Monday, October 22, 2012
Taxes, Trust, Generosity, & Simplicity
Taxes. These California props we have to vote on in a few weeks that will result in having to pitch in via more taxes from a variety of directions are challenging, when so many really have nothing to spare. Do I have enough? Yes, in the simplest sense. Are my needs met? Day by day. Can I spare more to help out for the greater good? Probably, and I do want to be generous as I follow Christ.
Then there is the other side...can we as a state and a country get to a place where trust is restored in our leaders and the choices they make with our limited financial and natural resources? The citizen's well is running dry. We cannot keep digging deeper into our empty pockets. My health care went up $100 a month this year, so we've already been pinched. Our local school district needs a bond approved to borrow $55 million, which will impact property tax for how many years? We don't have kids, so we did not take advantage of the tax-funded local schools. But I am happy to say the kids in my neighborhood did get an education, for which I am happy to have contributed. But what do we do when they need money the next time?
If we refuse to pay more in taxes with our votes because we don't trust leaders or just because we cannot make ends meet now, what are the consequences of that? Do our roads and bridges and school buildings collapse or does government spending slow down and we struggle to get to where we can live within our means -- and do with less as a state? All that to say, I'm a little short on insight and answers right now. God help us. Tough lessons ahead. More of them.
Besides all that, balancing a government budget at the state level or the federal level cannot be truly paralleled to balancing a family budget. So that leaves me out of pretending to understand the intricacies of it all at those levels. Well, I guess I'll just go shopping, and support our consumer economy. Ha! That's the big problem, too.
With a consumer based economy, if we live within our means and back off on shopping/consuming, our economy will be hurt. Consumer debt is a huge burden in the US. Living within my means is a great, practical, and rewarding idea. But not for the US economy. Neither candidate has directly spelled that out for me as they talk about the economy and jobs. If we have to buy to survive or thrive as a national economy, then what? I'd love to hear more about shifting the economy to a more stable foundation, but I don't know what that would be. Someone would have to sell me on the ideas. Ha. Sell. There's that consumer concept again.
So the tensions...taxes and trust...generosity with others and living within your means...living simply in a consumer-driven economy. These are a balancing act. Learning to live without this or that keeps me learning to live within my means. Generous simplicity looks so different from the inside. Again, I don't know what to do when asked to pay more in various taxes to support critical needs in a time of obvious waste. Sigh. Time to go make a cup of tea and relax. Tea...reminds me of the Boston Tea Party, another historic moment in non-compliance with taxation. I guess these problems are not original to us.
Then there is the other side...can we as a state and a country get to a place where trust is restored in our leaders and the choices they make with our limited financial and natural resources? The citizen's well is running dry. We cannot keep digging deeper into our empty pockets. My health care went up $100 a month this year, so we've already been pinched. Our local school district needs a bond approved to borrow $55 million, which will impact property tax for how many years? We don't have kids, so we did not take advantage of the tax-funded local schools. But I am happy to say the kids in my neighborhood did get an education, for which I am happy to have contributed. But what do we do when they need money the next time?
If we refuse to pay more in taxes with our votes because we don't trust leaders or just because we cannot make ends meet now, what are the consequences of that? Do our roads and bridges and school buildings collapse or does government spending slow down and we struggle to get to where we can live within our means -- and do with less as a state? All that to say, I'm a little short on insight and answers right now. God help us. Tough lessons ahead. More of them.
Besides all that, balancing a government budget at the state level or the federal level cannot be truly paralleled to balancing a family budget. So that leaves me out of pretending to understand the intricacies of it all at those levels. Well, I guess I'll just go shopping, and support our consumer economy. Ha! That's the big problem, too.
With a consumer based economy, if we live within our means and back off on shopping/consuming, our economy will be hurt. Consumer debt is a huge burden in the US. Living within my means is a great, practical, and rewarding idea. But not for the US economy. Neither candidate has directly spelled that out for me as they talk about the economy and jobs. If we have to buy to survive or thrive as a national economy, then what? I'd love to hear more about shifting the economy to a more stable foundation, but I don't know what that would be. Someone would have to sell me on the ideas. Ha. Sell. There's that consumer concept again.
So the tensions...taxes and trust...generosity with others and living within your means...living simply in a consumer-driven economy. These are a balancing act. Learning to live without this or that keeps me learning to live within my means. Generous simplicity looks so different from the inside. Again, I don't know what to do when asked to pay more in various taxes to support critical needs in a time of obvious waste. Sigh. Time to go make a cup of tea and relax. Tea...reminds me of the Boston Tea Party, another historic moment in non-compliance with taxation. I guess these problems are not original to us.
Monday, October 08, 2012
A Curious Resource
Time is a curious resource.
Someone I know is wishing for time to pass quickly so she can be married.
Someone is wishing for the baby to arrive on time.
Someone is wishing for the election to be over.
Someone is wishing for time to go slowly so friends can be together longer.
Someone is wishing for time to go slowly so her babies' childhoods linger.
Someone needs more time with a loved one.
Someone needs more time to study for a test.
Someone just needs more time to think about something.
We each have 24 hours.
Sometimes it drags.
Sometimes it moves too fast.
Time is a curious resource.
Sometimes I waste it.
Sometimes I spend it.
Sometimes I just try to be present in the moment.
Time flies.
Time seems to stand still.
Time is a curious resource.
Someone I know is wishing for time to pass quickly so she can be married.
Someone is wishing for the baby to arrive on time.
Someone is wishing for the election to be over.
Someone is wishing for time to go slowly so friends can be together longer.
Someone is wishing for time to go slowly so her babies' childhoods linger.
Someone needs more time with a loved one.
Someone needs more time to study for a test.
Someone just needs more time to think about something.
We each have 24 hours.
Sometimes it drags.
Sometimes it moves too fast.
Time is a curious resource.
Sometimes I waste it.
Sometimes I spend it.
Sometimes I just try to be present in the moment.
Time flies.
Time seems to stand still.
Time is a curious resource.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Fear and Grace
A quote posted on Facebook by friend Robert Chao Romero stated, "
I experienced fear in bold font the past several years, off and on, possibly due to financial struggle or just a stage of life. That statement is so true for me.
To go further, the feelings of fear are real and must be acknowledged, a place to begin a scavenger hunt to search for and become more alert to God's grace. Disguised in life's difficult circumstances, God remains true. His strength, support, and goodness may be whispered or at times shouted, hidden in ways only noticed upon looking back, or shining in details that provide a way, so one can make it through the moment, the day...living in an awareness that God is enough. And awareness I never really was enough, never really had the control I thought I had, and that is OK.
I experienced fear in bold font the past several years, off and on, possibly due to financial struggle or just a stage of life. That statement is so true for me.
To go further, the feelings of fear are real and must be acknowledged, a place to begin a scavenger hunt to search for and become more alert to God's grace. Disguised in life's difficult circumstances, God remains true. His strength, support, and goodness may be whispered or at times shouted, hidden in ways only noticed upon looking back, or shining in details that provide a way, so one can make it through the moment, the day...living in an awareness that God is enough. And awareness I never really was enough, never really had the control I thought I had, and that is OK.
Note: I've been learning these lessons on God's grace, and the book One Thousand Gifts helped crystallize it this past year.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Election Thoughts and a NYTimes Opinion Essay
I recently read an opinion in the New York Times titled Do As I Do, Not As I Say. It starts like this: "
http://campaignstops.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/05/06/do-as-i-do-not-as-i-say/?goback=.gde_96472_member_113383334
IT’S election season, and once again Democrats are flummoxed by evangelical voters. They think that 'those people' vote against their own self-interest. They cannot believe that same-sex marriage matters so much to so many people. They don’t get why Obamacare is controversial. To them, evangelicals don’t make sense. That’s because evangelicals and secular liberals (the most puzzled Democrats) think about life — and therefore politics — in such utterly different ways."
Here is my response:
I enjoyed this view and it was well expressed. I am an evangelical, a "white" female, and in my late 50's. I am also a registered voter as an Independent.
I appreciate it when others do not generalize evangelicals. I've noticed more often than not evangelicals are spoken of as in one political camp. There is another group of us, as evidenced by your statement "back in 2008, a quarter of white evangelicals voted for Mr. Obama." Not all evangelicals rally in predictable ways. Thank you for noting that here.
It would have also been interesting to compare your observations of evangelicals by urban and suburban/rural subgroups. That may have brought a more interesting perspective. I have found city evangelicals tend to lean towards a candidate that is a Democrat. I would also enjoy your evangelical observations for different levels of education. That is another subgroup split where evangelicals might be divided on presidential choice.
I appreciated your paragraph that begins "If Democrats want to reach more evangelical voters...." Those statements are part of why I voted for a Dem president in recent elections. I think you make a good point. I do hear some of the language you suggest.
I do think deeply about issues and the role of government within my worldview. I find a better fit usually with the Democratic platform on election day. However, that being said, I realize no candidate can truly deliver on promises because of how the system functions (or not).
http://campaignstops.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/05/06/do-as-i-do-not-as-i-say/?goback=.gde_96472_member_113383334
IT’S election season, and once again Democrats are flummoxed by evangelical voters. They think that 'those people' vote against their own self-interest. They cannot believe that same-sex marriage matters so much to so many people. They don’t get why Obamacare is controversial. To them, evangelicals don’t make sense. That’s because evangelicals and secular liberals (the most puzzled Democrats) think about life — and therefore politics — in such utterly different ways."
Here is my response:
I enjoyed this view and it was well expressed. I am an evangelical, a "white" female, and in my late 50's. I am also a registered voter as an Independent.
I appreciate it when others do not generalize evangelicals. I've noticed more often than not evangelicals are spoken of as in one political camp. There is another group of us, as evidenced by your statement "back in 2008, a quarter of white evangelicals voted for Mr. Obama." Not all evangelicals rally in predictable ways. Thank you for noting that here.
It would have also been interesting to compare your observations of evangelicals by urban and suburban/rural subgroups. That may have brought a more interesting perspective. I have found city evangelicals tend to lean towards a candidate that is a Democrat. I would also enjoy your evangelical observations for different levels of education. That is another subgroup split where evangelicals might be divided on presidential choice.
I appreciated your paragraph that begins "If Democrats want to reach more evangelical voters...." Those statements are part of why I voted for a Dem president in recent elections. I think you make a good point. I do hear some of the language you suggest.
I do think deeply about issues and the role of government within my worldview. I find a better fit usually with the Democratic platform on election day. However, that being said, I realize no candidate can truly deliver on promises because of how the system functions (or not).
Wednesday, May 09, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Disagreement or Character Attack?
Political disagreement can be just that...disagreement. A difference of views, invitation to discussion and conversation, and an opportunity to gather more information to evaluate positions and inform views. Political disagreement does not need to automatically trigger judgment of character and faith.
When someone makes comments in public about someone's faith and or character based on the fact that there is a disagreement, that can result in judging without full insight, also known as prejudice, can feed arrogance, and builds walls between "us and them." This in not a life giving situation. It is not an invitation to grace.
We can and will disagree, and we can still find a way love our neighbor with whom we may disagree. We can model respect and offer dignity to the person. People do this all the time, but it tends to be quieter. We find common ground and move forward.
It's when in disagreement, I take power and speak badly about someone's character or faith that I believe I dis-grace God's call on my life. God values all life on the journey of redemption.
Character and faith jabs for political gain are just cruel tools in a shallow and manipulative campaign tool box. I do disagree with some of the positions of current politicians and the current president. I will not brand the character or faith. However, I will use the positions to determine who I will side with. You can still be a good person with a strong faith and line up opposite me on many issues. Many do. One does not discount the other. Do not discount me. I will not discount you in this context. I will learn about you and from you.
When someone makes comments in public about someone's faith and or character based on the fact that there is a disagreement, that can result in judging without full insight, also known as prejudice, can feed arrogance, and builds walls between "us and them." This in not a life giving situation. It is not an invitation to grace.
We can and will disagree, and we can still find a way love our neighbor with whom we may disagree. We can model respect and offer dignity to the person. People do this all the time, but it tends to be quieter. We find common ground and move forward.
It's when in disagreement, I take power and speak badly about someone's character or faith that I believe I dis-grace God's call on my life. God values all life on the journey of redemption.
Character and faith jabs for political gain are just cruel tools in a shallow and manipulative campaign tool box. I do disagree with some of the positions of current politicians and the current president. I will not brand the character or faith. However, I will use the positions to determine who I will side with. You can still be a good person with a strong faith and line up opposite me on many issues. Many do. One does not discount the other. Do not discount me. I will not discount you in this context. I will learn about you and from you.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Wisdom Worth Noting - Abandon & Abide
Abandon the worries… and Abide in the Word.
Abandon the fears… and Abide in the Father.
Abandon the hurts… and Abide in His heart.
Abandon the cares… because Christ will never abandon you.
It’s what I self-preach again and again to the fearful sinner who is me: Abandon and Abide.
From a favorite blog's post: A Holy Experience
The blogger, Ann Voskamp, also included this song:
http://youtu.be/54ALmQZ_NiA
Abandon the fears… and Abide in the Father.
Abandon the hurts… and Abide in His heart.
Abandon the cares… because Christ will never abandon you.
It’s what I self-preach again and again to the fearful sinner who is me: Abandon and Abide.
From a favorite blog's post: A Holy Experience
The blogger, Ann Voskamp, also included this song:
http://youtu.be/54ALmQZ_NiA
Friday, February 10, 2012
That Lovely Slippery Slope
My friend on my faith journey recommended this blog post to me. He thought I might like it. I did. Very much.
"They Were Right About the Slippery Slop (and Wrong)"
http://rachelheldevans.com/they-were-right-about-slippery-slope?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+RachelHeldEvans+%28Rachel+Held+Evans+-+Blog%29&utm_content=Google+Reader
"They Were Right About the Slippery Slop (and Wrong)"
http://rachelheldevans.com/they-were-right-about-slippery-slope?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+RachelHeldEvans+%28Rachel+Held+Evans+-+Blog%29&utm_content=Google+Reader
Sunday, February 05, 2012
Jesus Is a Liberal Democrat Video
Food for thought...find the truth in the comedy from December 2010. And then how will I live differently in response to truth?
The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Violent Loss & Suffering/Sticky, Stinky Endurance
My friend is in the one-year anniversary of a tragedy involving the reckless homicide of a friend/colleague. As I think of her and talk with her, some new reflections of my own experience with a tragic loss oozed through and spilled into my mind. On any given day, if you have survived a violent loss, images and thoughts and emotions collide to create chaos or new strength. Heart break is not pretty, but it can become the art of the honest heart.
There is the immediate crisis that follows the actual event and managing to get through that minute-by-minute, but often the pain lingers and the bruises to our souls get bumped with the calendar...a birthday, a year after, and so on. We wish for some relief and work toward acceptance and a return to normal. But normal is now very different. Sometimes the goal is just to hang in there and remember we are not alone, though our personal journey to healing will be our own.
I heard myself say just the other day in an appropriate context, "One of my students was murdered in 1996...." People gasped. I paused and tried to connect to the violence of it all, the bruise that still lingers to each of our souls that knew her. Still felt surreal and my mind tells me I must have made it up. Awkward.
After all these years. Still no acceptance. I think that is the way it is and I think there is actually some wholeness in that ugly. If I were to truly accept it, I'd be giving up on a world the way it should be, with people treating each other safely. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done.
What happened to my student and my friend's colleague is NOT OK. It never will be. We live in that tension. That is what I must learn to accept. Like we are tuned between radio stations, sometimes totally annoying, sometimes I can block it out, sometimes I can accommodate the tension, and sometimes I am able to tune in to the beauty that is still with us.
I realize now that violent crime rips a hole in the peace of mind of any who witness and/or cared about the victims. An act against community. Do we forgive? Do we forget? Who has answers to these questions? I think there are moments of both that flash by and become stronger, like clapping for Tinkerbell to grow stronger. But the broader questions for me are always, "What now?" and since life will never be what I knew to be normal, "What good will come out of the darkness that includes me?"
And it will come. Good will come from this. We will be different, just like seeds die in the ground before forcing their way back into the sunshine to bloom in a new place after they were pooped out by some bird. God is at work. Love wins. God loves us. God is here. God is enough. I truly believe those concepts to be true and broader than I can conceive. I cling. Hope invites. Again.
Three resources that immensely continue to impact my journey in difficult, painful times of loss include:
Drops Like Stars -- a book and a DVD (I was blessed to see this in person):
"We plot, we plan, we assume things are going to go a certain way and then they don't and we find ourselves ..."
http://www.amazon.com/Drops-Like-Stars-Creativity-Suffering/dp/0310275032
And another book, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
http://www.amazon.com/One-Thousand-Gifts-Fully-Right/dp/0310321913
And a movie, Lars and the Real Girl, quirky, odd, and uncomfortable at times. It portrays loving community responding to a tragic loss for the main character. I found it simple, profound, and inspiring in leading me to just be with friends who have experienced suffering and/or loss.
In closing, we are in this together. If you are in a time of pain, suffering, grief, and/or loss, I pray you are well connected with a loving community like a small group at the local church or dear, committed friends and/or family. I also pray you watch carefully for hope to light the way a moment at a time, like a flickering candle in a dark room. And I pray that through this, through finding your "new normal," you will bring more to this world than was taken out.
Overall, knowing that Jesus died and rose again took on new meaning in all this for me. What is the eternal force in the world that is major evidence that God is? Love. What breaks the heart of love? Death. The separation from those we love. The love for those lost continues, but the separation breaks us. Jesus brought victory over death making it possible that love is not lost, and death is, well...in the brilliant words of Rossiter Worthington Raymond (1840-1918):
"Life is eternal; and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight."
Dear reader, I do not know what suffering has crushed you. Perhaps even disappointment because expectations of how life was to look for you does not match your current reality, like your shoes, purse, and outfit so easily do. Hold on. Be patient. Grief does not follow my rules. Bummer.
I am learning to go hide in my "grace space." I run there to wait for help from God. Maybe you recognize your need for a time-out in your grace space place. I'm learning to recognize the symptoms of when I need to go sit in that emotional room and be quiet, which for me include when I'm feeling anger at others, fear of the future, guilt over the past, and anxiety. All related to my myth that I can control my life's circumstances in full, my "myth of control."
Dear reader, I do not know where you stand on who you trust to save you. Beyond circumstances, it is spiritual. We all believe in something. I could not survive without my faith in Christ and trust in God to be with me now and in the days to come. I hope you are with me in that journey. I hope you can find comfort today and recognize blessings that come in spite of suffering. Perhaps you can even find energy to go serve others on behalf of Christ's work and/or on behalf of the loved one lost. Generosity, if you can get to that point, brings good out of pain. And on days when that is just not possible, I pray that you sense an intangible God in those moments through tangible others around you, and the remaining beauty in life and nature.
Photo credit: http://spitshinedsoul.wordpress.com/tag/dream-2/
There is the immediate crisis that follows the actual event and managing to get through that minute-by-minute, but often the pain lingers and the bruises to our souls get bumped with the calendar...a birthday, a year after, and so on. We wish for some relief and work toward acceptance and a return to normal. But normal is now very different. Sometimes the goal is just to hang in there and remember we are not alone, though our personal journey to healing will be our own.
I heard myself say just the other day in an appropriate context, "One of my students was murdered in 1996...." People gasped. I paused and tried to connect to the violence of it all, the bruise that still lingers to each of our souls that knew her. Still felt surreal and my mind tells me I must have made it up. Awkward.
After all these years. Still no acceptance. I think that is the way it is and I think there is actually some wholeness in that ugly. If I were to truly accept it, I'd be giving up on a world the way it should be, with people treating each other safely. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done.
What happened to my student and my friend's colleague is NOT OK. It never will be. We live in that tension. That is what I must learn to accept. Like we are tuned between radio stations, sometimes totally annoying, sometimes I can block it out, sometimes I can accommodate the tension, and sometimes I am able to tune in to the beauty that is still with us.
I realize now that violent crime rips a hole in the peace of mind of any who witness and/or cared about the victims. An act against community. Do we forgive? Do we forget? Who has answers to these questions? I think there are moments of both that flash by and become stronger, like clapping for Tinkerbell to grow stronger. But the broader questions for me are always, "What now?" and since life will never be what I knew to be normal, "What good will come out of the darkness that includes me?"
And it will come. Good will come from this. We will be different, just like seeds die in the ground before forcing their way back into the sunshine to bloom in a new place after they were pooped out by some bird. God is at work. Love wins. God loves us. God is here. God is enough. I truly believe those concepts to be true and broader than I can conceive. I cling. Hope invites. Again.
Three resources that immensely continue to impact my journey in difficult, painful times of loss include:
Drops Like Stars -- a book and a DVD (I was blessed to see this in person):
"We plot, we plan, we assume things are going to go a certain way and then they don't and we find ourselves ..."
http://www.amazon.com/Drops-Like-Stars-Creativity-Suffering/dp/0310275032
And another book, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
http://www.amazon.com/One-Thousand-Gifts-Fully-Right/dp/0310321913
And a movie, Lars and the Real Girl, quirky, odd, and uncomfortable at times. It portrays loving community responding to a tragic loss for the main character. I found it simple, profound, and inspiring in leading me to just be with friends who have experienced suffering and/or loss.
In closing, we are in this together. If you are in a time of pain, suffering, grief, and/or loss, I pray you are well connected with a loving community like a small group at the local church or dear, committed friends and/or family. I also pray you watch carefully for hope to light the way a moment at a time, like a flickering candle in a dark room. And I pray that through this, through finding your "new normal," you will bring more to this world than was taken out.
Overall, knowing that Jesus died and rose again took on new meaning in all this for me. What is the eternal force in the world that is major evidence that God is? Love. What breaks the heart of love? Death. The separation from those we love. The love for those lost continues, but the separation breaks us. Jesus brought victory over death making it possible that love is not lost, and death is, well...in the brilliant words of Rossiter Worthington Raymond (1840-1918):
"Life is eternal; and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight."
Dear reader, I do not know what suffering has crushed you. Perhaps even disappointment because expectations of how life was to look for you does not match your current reality, like your shoes, purse, and outfit so easily do. Hold on. Be patient. Grief does not follow my rules. Bummer.
I am learning to go hide in my "grace space." I run there to wait for help from God. Maybe you recognize your need for a time-out in your grace space place. I'm learning to recognize the symptoms of when I need to go sit in that emotional room and be quiet, which for me include when I'm feeling anger at others, fear of the future, guilt over the past, and anxiety. All related to my myth that I can control my life's circumstances in full, my "myth of control."
Dear reader, I do not know where you stand on who you trust to save you. Beyond circumstances, it is spiritual. We all believe in something. I could not survive without my faith in Christ and trust in God to be with me now and in the days to come. I hope you are with me in that journey. I hope you can find comfort today and recognize blessings that come in spite of suffering. Perhaps you can even find energy to go serve others on behalf of Christ's work and/or on behalf of the loved one lost. Generosity, if you can get to that point, brings good out of pain. And on days when that is just not possible, I pray that you sense an intangible God in those moments through tangible others around you, and the remaining beauty in life and nature.
Friday, November 18, 2011
A Holiday, the Homeless, & Hope
Friday, November 11 - Veteran's Day and a day off from work...a great day. I woke at 4:00am to go five blocks from home. I'd volunteered with a city project to identify the homeless for possibly later accessing services and housing for the more vulnerable. It was part of a nationwide effort taking place in cities throughout the United States. One of our leaders mentioned how impressed he was with the diversity of our group: church groups, college students, high school students, social workers, business people, and neighbors. I felt glad to be part of that.
We went in teams of five, into the pre-dawn darkness, searched quietly through alleys and a park, in little coves tucked into buildings, and on benches, looking for our homeless neighbors. I was nervous at first, concerned about what I might encounter, both the heartache and the question of safety. We learned to spot earthly belongings hidden in bushes nearby, and find human-shaped lumps under blankets. We practiced a deeper dimension of respect for the least of these in our town.
We obeyed our training to never touch anyone to wake them, to never shine our flashlights in their faces, and to squat down to their level for conversation. We used our lights to illuminate our path, read our paperwork, and identify our faces to others. We would call out to the person to gently wake them, and ask if we could have their permission to take a survey and take their photo.
We sat on the cement together in several situations. We interviewed six people -- two couples and two singles, three women and three men. One refused to let us take her photo. That was OK. At times we laughed together because some had such humor in their circumstances. It was an odd, yet powerful moment to hear the laughter of a group of people newly connected and from such diverse circumstances. I felt happy. I learned about these people in my community.
We asked all the questions on this survey: social security number, height, weight, victim of violence on the streets, health condition and details, been to jail and/or prison, pets, how long they'd been homeless, how they make money, etc. It was very interesting. The data we collect will be dded to a national study and used to access services and possibly housing for the most vulnerable. The people we visited were articulate, sober, and engaging. Some of my stereotypes were shattered that day. We were back to volunteer central in two hours.
I felt connected to these six folks, though we'd just met. It was strange yet so humane. I walked away wishing I could come visit again from time to time and bring breakfast or pizza or wash their blankets, but I felt that ambition would probably fade once I returned to my routine. But I now drive through my city with different eyes and a bigger heart. I look carefully for the unseen living just beyond my view in this area. It felt like a dream to have time to hear a little of the stories of these fellow human beings.
That morning, it was my priority to shake the hand of each person we'd interviewed, look them in the eyes, and say their name as I said, "Nice to meet you." And I meant it. It was important to me because I think appropriate human touch is healing, no matter how insignificant. It was healing to me. I can't speak for the others. It was healing because I overcame my fear of these strangers, one at a time, after listening to their stories, and crafting some time in my life to care for them, even for just a moment. I will remember them. God bless you, Shawn & Tricia, Manual & Corrine, Bonnie, and Ector, a Vietnam vet.
On Veteran's Day, I served with others in my community to reach out to hidden people. In our current economic crisis, anyone can be homeless with a change in events and circumstances. I did not need to figure out if these folks were trouble to society, or evaluate if they deserved a break or not. I needed to figure out that they are human, too. I was moved. I am changed. These efforts in my life keep me aware of what really matters and keep my heart tender. These efforts keep the gospel fresh in my faith. All this, and it was barely 8:00am. Time for a nap and time to pause to reflect on the meaningful experience.
We went in teams of five, into the pre-dawn darkness, searched quietly through alleys and a park, in little coves tucked into buildings, and on benches, looking for our homeless neighbors. I was nervous at first, concerned about what I might encounter, both the heartache and the question of safety. We learned to spot earthly belongings hidden in bushes nearby, and find human-shaped lumps under blankets. We practiced a deeper dimension of respect for the least of these in our town.
We obeyed our training to never touch anyone to wake them, to never shine our flashlights in their faces, and to squat down to their level for conversation. We used our lights to illuminate our path, read our paperwork, and identify our faces to others. We would call out to the person to gently wake them, and ask if we could have their permission to take a survey and take their photo.
We sat on the cement together in several situations. We interviewed six people -- two couples and two singles, three women and three men. One refused to let us take her photo. That was OK. At times we laughed together because some had such humor in their circumstances. It was an odd, yet powerful moment to hear the laughter of a group of people newly connected and from such diverse circumstances. I felt happy. I learned about these people in my community.
We asked all the questions on this survey: social security number, height, weight, victim of violence on the streets, health condition and details, been to jail and/or prison, pets, how long they'd been homeless, how they make money, etc. It was very interesting. The data we collect will be dded to a national study and used to access services and possibly housing for the most vulnerable. The people we visited were articulate, sober, and engaging. Some of my stereotypes were shattered that day. We were back to volunteer central in two hours.
I felt connected to these six folks, though we'd just met. It was strange yet so humane. I walked away wishing I could come visit again from time to time and bring breakfast or pizza or wash their blankets, but I felt that ambition would probably fade once I returned to my routine. But I now drive through my city with different eyes and a bigger heart. I look carefully for the unseen living just beyond my view in this area. It felt like a dream to have time to hear a little of the stories of these fellow human beings.
That morning, it was my priority to shake the hand of each person we'd interviewed, look them in the eyes, and say their name as I said, "Nice to meet you." And I meant it. It was important to me because I think appropriate human touch is healing, no matter how insignificant. It was healing to me. I can't speak for the others. It was healing because I overcame my fear of these strangers, one at a time, after listening to their stories, and crafting some time in my life to care for them, even for just a moment. I will remember them. God bless you, Shawn & Tricia, Manual & Corrine, Bonnie, and Ector, a Vietnam vet.
On Veteran's Day, I served with others in my community to reach out to hidden people. In our current economic crisis, anyone can be homeless with a change in events and circumstances. I did not need to figure out if these folks were trouble to society, or evaluate if they deserved a break or not. I needed to figure out that they are human, too. I was moved. I am changed. These efforts in my life keep me aware of what really matters and keep my heart tender. These efforts keep the gospel fresh in my faith. All this, and it was barely 8:00am. Time for a nap and time to pause to reflect on the meaningful experience.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Practicing This Perspective
This is my current reference point. This is my motto for engaging others to consider my point of view on anything that may be different from theirs. I return the same respect to them. I've summed it up this way:
This is a quiet and peaceful way to get along. Or at least worth a try. In these days of campaigning and issues that impact life in this great nation, as well as in all things spiritual, this is my focus in respecting my fellow man...and woman, of course. Hoping for the same in return.
"Simple conversation. Gentle invitation. Sincere consideration."
- Cindi Peterson
This is a quiet and peaceful way to get along. Or at least worth a try. In these days of campaigning and issues that impact life in this great nation, as well as in all things spiritual, this is my focus in respecting my fellow man...and woman, of course. Hoping for the same in return.
Monday, November 07, 2011
Another Reality Worth Understanding
I am an acquaintance of Carlos Delgado and he recommended this blog. I started by reading Chapter 1 today. I will learn from the writer. I am touched and softened by her truth. I am more compassionate from viewing through her lens. I married "late" - age 37. We will celebrate 20 years this next summer. I am brought to my knees by stories like hers, and aware again and again of the fragile side of marriage which so subtly frames the functional side. How do I guard the sacredness of the vows in a world that is all about the passion and not so skilled at the day-to-day of love? How do I protect the work between hearts in the demands of the day that can quietly destroy? I must ask this daily as I honor my husband and this spiritual connection to him in a sanctified relationship.
Today I read Chapter 1:
http://christiangirlsguidetodivorce.wordpress.com
Today I read Chapter 1:
http://christiangirlsguidetodivorce.wordpress.com
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Notice of Privacy Practices - A Satirical Look
Privacy. An interesting concept. I have curtains on my bathroom window for privacy. Medical information privacy could be an oxymoron.
I recently was handed an eleven page document titled Notice of Privacy Practices. This occurred when I checked in at my doctor appointment. It has happened before. However, this particular time I took time to read it. I found irony and some form of humor in my reading. I will highlight a few things in this post.
WHO WILL FOLLOW THIS NOTICE
It continues on..."We are required by law to: make sure that medical information that identifies you is kept private." Ah. Too late, really. It seems more people can have privilege to my privacy than are on my annual Christmas letter list.
And now on to my favorite part:
HOW WE MAY USE AND DISCLOSE MEDICAL INFORMATION ABOUT YOU
(There is some interesting stuff in this part that I did not know about. Privacy, really? Wait until you hear!)
I recently was handed an eleven page document titled Notice of Privacy Practices. This occurred when I checked in at my doctor appointment. It has happened before. However, this particular time I took time to read it. I found irony and some form of humor in my reading. I will highlight a few things in this post.
WHO WILL FOLLOW THIS NOTICE
- Any health care professional authorized to enter information into your medical chart.
- That seems to make sense. Well, alright.
- All departments and offices of [insert physician group here].
- This is a big, big organization. Now it is getting a little sketchy -- the "privacy" part.
- Any member of a volunteer group we allow to help you while you are at [insert physician group here].
- Volunteers, really? Why?
- All employees, staff, and other personnel.
- OK, at this point, I'm thinking save ink and space and just say "Everyone" or "All" people who are connected to or have ever even driven by [insert physician group here].
It continues on..."We are required by law to: make sure that medical information that identifies you is kept private." Ah. Too late, really. It seems more people can have privilege to my privacy than are on my annual Christmas letter list.
And now on to my favorite part:
HOW WE MAY USE AND DISCLOSE MEDICAL INFORMATION ABOUT YOU
(There is some interesting stuff in this part that I did not know about. Privacy, really? Wait until you hear!)
- For Treatment -- logical. Wouldn't you agree and hope so!
- For Payment -- OK, that is probably fair more or less.
- For Health Care Operations -- Maybe your thinking operations as in surgery. Wrong. Operations as in the office. Hmmm. If you aren't involved in treatment or billing the insurance company or me, what do you need with my "private" information? Statistics. Oh, sure. It goes on to say in this part, "We may also disclose information to doctors, nurses, technicians, medical students and other personnel for learning and review purposes." Shouldn't I get a stipend? I could bill them.
- Appointment Reminders -- This probably works to my benefit.
- Treatment Alternatives -- OK. To tell me about treatment alternative, but who is the medical information disclosed to? Me? I have to be included in my own medical privacy? What am I missing?
- Health-Related Products and Services -- to tell me about them. OK. So who is the info disclosed to? Not me, right? I already know my medically private issues? So who? Vendors? Ewe.
- Individuals Involved in Your Care and Payment for Your Care -- of course.
- Research -- oh, certainly. For the common good. Medical costs should be cheaper if you agree to help out with research using your private medical information. Wouldn't you agree?
- As Required by Law -- so they are required to keep it private by law unless the law requires them to share? That is amusing. What is the point of privacy?
- To Avert a Serious Threat to Health or Safety -- I am all in favor of this one. Especially for other people's medical information that might cause ME problems.
- Special Situations: This is where it gets good. My two favorite exceptions to privacy are in this list. Can you guess? Which are yours?
- Organ & Tissue Donation - this is a good idea.
- Military & Veterans - I'm not a member of the military, so this doesn't apply.
- Worker's Compensation - This may help prevent corruption and fraud and get benefits to deserving people.
- Public Health Risks - there is wisdom in this.
- Health Oversight Activities (agencies) - sure, why not?
- Lawsuits and Disputes - welcome to our world.
- Law Enforcement - It's all connected.
- Coroners, Medical Examiners and Funeral Directors - why would I care then?
- National Security and Intelligence Agencies - Yikes! This is Big Brother watching, if you ask me. If I ever requested a list of who my info was released to and saw one of these agencies on my list, what would I think?
- Protective Services for the President and Others - Wow! I suppose it is important for the President's peeps to check me out to keep him safe.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Advent Thoughts
I love Christmas. I know. I know. Many don't share that joy. Especially in mid-October. That's OK. We can live in peace.
It takes everything I have to wait until November 1 to begin listening to Christmas music. I wait on behalf of those I live with who do not feel the urgency I feel to jump in to the beauty of the season, beginning with wonderful music. So I listen discreetly and with joy until December actually begins.
One month, the month of December, is just not enough time to engage in what I love about Christmas. I love the music, the lights, the quiet I find amidst the hustle and hysteria, the hope promised of God on earth and His return.
What I don't engage in so much is gift giving. The financial tension that has caused in years past and the frustration caused by not knowing what to get for someone sucked the life out of me. Shopping in frenzied crowds and surviving the fight with parking space sharks is deadening.
The deep reward of spending gift money on causes gives me joy. That is why I post this video today.
http://vimeo.com/worldrelief/advent
Advent is a magical season for me. Anticipation is powerful. It is never to early to remember a time of anticipation of Good News. These words renew that focus.
It takes everything I have to wait until November 1 to begin listening to Christmas music. I wait on behalf of those I live with who do not feel the urgency I feel to jump in to the beauty of the season, beginning with wonderful music. So I listen discreetly and with joy until December actually begins.
One month, the month of December, is just not enough time to engage in what I love about Christmas. I love the music, the lights, the quiet I find amidst the hustle and hysteria, the hope promised of God on earth and His return.
What I don't engage in so much is gift giving. The financial tension that has caused in years past and the frustration caused by not knowing what to get for someone sucked the life out of me. Shopping in frenzied crowds and surviving the fight with parking space sharks is deadening.
The deep reward of spending gift money on causes gives me joy. That is why I post this video today.
http://vimeo.com/worldrelief/advent
Advent is a magical season for me. Anticipation is powerful. It is never to early to remember a time of anticipation of Good News. These words renew that focus.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Thoughtful Words from Butch Maltby
Butch and I attended Wheaton College together. We have distantly recently reconnected via Facebook. He recently posted this paragraph which I found to be profound. I want to preserve it here on this blog to refer to and reflect on in the future. Life moves so fast. I need to anchor in broad thoughts like these. Thank you, Butch.
"In a world with conflicting views on just about everything here is one truth for... which you can be certain. Your life will be filled with uncertainty. The anxiety and fear which this produces is often the result of trying to control things totally outside the realm of human effort. Serenity and peace come when we embrace the bucking bronco of life secure in the reality our Father has everything in mind and with a view of forever. What we call a temporary disaster may in fact be His realignment of our lives to something better. When we lose hope and pour cold waters of doubt on the languishing fires of faith we are actually telling the God of the universe...'You are failing at your job!'"
"In a world with conflicting views on just about everything here is one truth for... which you can be certain. Your life will be filled with uncertainty. The anxiety and fear which this produces is often the result of trying to control things totally outside the realm of human effort. Serenity and peace come when we embrace the bucking bronco of life secure in the reality our Father has everything in mind and with a view of forever. What we call a temporary disaster may in fact be His realignment of our lives to something better. When we lose hope and pour cold waters of doubt on the languishing fires of faith we are actually telling the God of the universe...'You are failing at your job!'"
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